How do we communicate what we know as principal to parents about what teens are doing during their watch without intruding upon their rightful sovereignty, or coming off as paternalistic or preachy? It isn’t easy. What I’ve done is share stories of how other parents in my career have handled similar situations, using both good and bad examples. Here’s a letter I’ve sent to parents about after-Prom parties as an example.
Dear senior parents,
The school prom is a just three Saturdays away—on April 13. The official prom hours are between 7-11 p.m. It’s likely that many students will leave prior to 11, but even if they stay, the million dollar question will be: What will they do next?
I do not presume to tell you how to handle your children that evening—in my view, that’s a parent’s decision. But part of my job as principal is to be a repository of information, sharing with you what parents have done in the past. So let me me share three approaches parents have taken:
The “default”—Kids were on their own. Some students “camped out” all night on someone’s property, with dates sharing tents. Others rented hotel rooms. Some kids were home by a certain time as their parents instructed.
The “good”—Three or four families organized a series of progressive “after-parties.” Recognizing their homes could not hold 100 kids at a time, they divided things up, and organized the night in two stages: with 3 “stage one” parties at their homes from 12-1:30, and then a “stage 2” big breakfast from 2–3 a.m. in the school cafeteria for everyone. The parents knew their kids should be home by 3:30. The “pact” the parents made with each other was there would be no drinking allowed at any of these venues. The parents invited everyone in the class so that no seniors were left out.
The “bad”— Years ago in a previous school, a parent thought it would be OK to host a “small party” for 20 of their child’s “closest friends” at barn on their property, allowing them to drink if they turned in their car keys. But word got out around town, students began arriving from other schools, and soon there were 100+ kids, most of whom the parents didn’t know. Alcohol flowed freely. Propriety and confidentiality prevent me from becoming too specific about all that happened, but crimes were committed, arrests were made, things were posted on social media, parents from our school and other schools were outraged, and I was besieged with angry letters and phone calls. I spent the entire next week dealing with police, calling parents from other schools, and suspending students, with one expulsion. It was a calamity.
Please know we are here to support you. I am happy to offer the school cafeteria if three or four families want to host an after prom event. Give me a call to set something up. May God bless you these next few months—graduation is almost here!
Onward and upward,
Faustin
Well put, well said. Been there, done that. Thanks for your courage!
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