1) You don't have to make decisions right away, especially the tough ones.
Because we want to be "decisive," it's easy to fall into the trap of making instant decisions, on the spot. But the truth is, there are very few circumstances where we MUST make an instant decision, and we should take advantage of this fact to consult with others and pray. When I was a first year principal at a young age, I got very good at saying "I'll need to think this over and pray about it, and get back to you tomorrow." Then I'd walk across the hall and talk to the president of the school, who had been the previous principal, to seek his advice and then think and pray about it that night.
For difficult decisions (non-renewal of contracts, expulsions, lengthy suspensions, etc), it's often good to tell the affected persons what we're considering, but that we need an extra day for prayer because we know it impacts them greatly. They usually appreciate this. More importantly, it gives us the ability to discuss the "hypothetical" with them without hardened positions, gives them a chance to advocate for themselves and feel like their perspective will be factored into our final decision, gives them time to absorb the bad news and get past the immediacy of emotions, allows us to end the meeting without being shouted at (!)--and most important of all, gives us a chance to truly seek out God's wisdom and guidance.
2) We don't have to be the trigger that fires every gun.
I sometimes ask principals: “Who is responsible for opening up their school in the morning and who locks it down at night?” Too often, it's us! It needn't be--more than likely, there's someone on our faculty who loves to get to school in the morning before anyone else. Ask him or her to open up--usually, he or she is quite willing to do so. Who is in charge of ringing the bell to change classes on alternate bell schedule days? For my first three years as principal, our math department chair was consistently frustrated with me for being a few minutes late, distracted as I was by other duties. So in my fourth year, I asked him: "Would YOU be willing to ring the bells between classes?" He was delighted! From that point forward, bells rang on time, I had one less thing to do, and one less teacher was grumpy with me!
In fact, the more "routine" tasks we can delegate, the more freedom we'll have to give attention to people. Having an executive secretary is NOT a selfish thing if it allows us more time with students, faculty and parents! Our attention is the greatest gift we can give those we lead. It elevates and affirms them, and they, in turn, are more open to our leadership.
3) It's OK to modify on the fly what we believe should be the consequence for serious discipline, if necessary to build consensus with parents. Ultimately, the purpose of discipline is to change behavior, and if the school and parents are at odds, whatever the school does is almost certain to be less effective.
I am not talking about retracting a position that we've already taken with the parents or child. Once we've "pronounced," it's usually important to stick to our guns. Rather, I am referring to our decision making process before hand. For resolution of serious disciplinary incidences, I usually go through a four or five step process:
- I first meet with the child privately and review what took place, with an attempt to get the child to admit what he or she did wrong. "Owning the problem" is the first step in all 12 step programs to change behavior, and rehab experts say it's the most important. Also, if the child admits it, there will be less problem with the parents accepting our final judgment, and we can affirm the child's honesty with their parents, despite whatever he or she did wrong.
- Next, I have the child call the parents and tell them what happened. I typically step out of my office and let the parent and child talk privately. Then I take the phone and ask the parents to meet with me the next day (this allows for a family discussion that night and also allows some of the emotions to dissipate).
- Next, I meet with the parents, apart from the child, review the facts with them, and discuss options. It's in that interaction that I am trying to discern a consequence they can support, even though I am not asking them directly or seeking their "permission." Perhaps I was going to give the kid a 3-day suspension, but in talking with the parents, I sense they'll only support a 1-2 day suspension. I'll make a private decision to modify, on the spot, in order to speak as one voice with the parents to the child. I meet with parents separately from the child because in today's world, if they walk in together to face me, the parents' instinct is to be the child's lawyer, and I am trying to create the opposite effect--that the school and parent are a team of adults trying to help this child learn and grow through their mistake.
- If I believe I can establish a common ground which is commensurate with the seriousness of the issue, I will tell the parents then what I want to do. If I cannot, I tell the parents what I am "thinking about doing" (see #1 above).
- Then I invite the child into the room to review the facts, ask the child if he or she has anything to add, and then pronounce the consequence (or for serious issues, possible consequences, see #1 above).
4) Follow up a few weeks later.
When a parent brings us a concern and we address it, we should cue our appointment calendar in two weeks to check in with the child or the child's teachers and send the parents a follow-up email, asking them "how things are going?" Parents are deeply grateful we've remembered the meeting and are still thinking about their child. It both affirms the parents' concerns and assures them we're keeping an eye out.
5) "Catch kids (and adults!) being good."
So much of our instinct as principals is to correct wrong behavior. A wise principal once told me it's much more important to affirm GOOD behavior, both privately and (where appropriate) publicly. We respond so much more powerfully when people legitimately compliment us! And if we want to build an optimistic culture which affirms kids and tells them they're capable of greatness, it's important that we are the #1 cheerleader of the teachers and coaches who must communicate this optimism to our students.
6) Short, handwritten notes are powerful.
I have school stationary on my person where ever I go. When I have a few moments, I'll send a quick note of thanks to students, or parents, or donors, or send my condolences for a loss. As a standard practice, whenever the school learns of a death within a family (mother, father, aunt, grandparent, great-grandparent), I ask my secretary to place an envelop and sticky note with name and reminder of who died, so I can jot off a quick note of prayer and support for that family. It takes me less than 3 minutes to write such notes, but they have real impact.
7) Late Friday afternoons are good for difficult meetings.
The weekend is a good time for people to regroup after hearing bad news and get themselves in the right state of mind for Monday. Also, schools tend to clear out more quickly on Friday afternoons, making whatever emotions a person may be experiencing less public in nature. And for all the same reasons, Friday afternoon is also a good time to post athletic team "cuts" (especially cheerleader cuts!) .
8) "Re-baptize" existing school events for new, additional purposes rather than create new events.
We're too busy, and adding events just makes everyone even busier, especially we who must plan and execute them! But Notre Dame, for example, uses timeouts during its football games to make special presentations on the thirty yard line to those deserving of the school's recognition, and everyone in the stadium claps for them. That's 85,000 saying "thanks" vs. the 300-400 who might come if ND sponsored a banquet. And the banquet would be far more expensive and require many more hours to prepare for and clean up after.
Typically, we kill ourselves during National Catholic Schools Week with all sorts of special events (which is why we're so thankful when the week is over!); how many of these events can we tie into already existing things, like the weekly school mass (perhaps we invite grandparents to mass instead of a big breakfast, and have refreshments with their grandchildren thereafter) or the basketball game on Friday night ("alumni night," with a special sign-in table to get a big "alumni" badge, and a public welcoming during the game's introductions)?
We used to have "admissions breakfasts" for prospective families in our conference room, until we realized it was more powerful for new families to come to the school at lunch and experience eating in the school cafeteria between the school's two lunch periods. It takes no work to prepare the additional food, but gives prospective families a much more authentic "window" into the life and feel of the school. Keeping with that theme, we then give parents the option of attending one of 4-5 actual classes in session rather than prepare simulated presentations.
9) Frequent, 2-3 minute observations of classrooms are more powerful than 45-50 minute "evaluations."
I supervise by "walking around and listening in." I make a few mental notes to praise what I've observed about what was going on. Affirming the good is always more powerful than ferreting out the bad (see #6). Good teachers, especially, want us to notice what they're doing--they're rightfully proud of their work! And those who tend to cut corners will be less likely to do so if their we could "pop in" at any moment. Students and parents like it, too, as it assures them we "know what is going on."
10) Usually, a group meeting to handle a common complaint or concern is a bad idea.
When teams of parents want to meet with me about a mutual concern (a coach, for example, or something that happened in a classroom, or a new policy in the school), I always express a willingness to meet, but not in a group setting--rather, one parent (or couple) at a time. When I meet individually, I can listen to his or concerns, and how this has affected his or her child directly, and avoid the "hearsay" criticism a parent may have heard, which is often repeated as "dogma" in group settings. In group meetings, emotions of one parent often feed the emotions of the other, leading to a negative chemistry which is not conducive to resolution. Yes, it's more time consuming to meet with 3-5 parents individually than all at once, but the time spent is worth it if I am truly interested in bringing some sort of catharsis to the situation.
11) Pray often!
Endemic to our culture today is a distrust of leadership, and from time to time, we'll be distrusted and/or unfairly criticized. To keep our ideas fresh, to be the kind of optimistic person our schools needs us to be, it's important to bring our life to the Lord. Among other things, we should keep a private running "list" of intentions for particular teachers and students as part of our prayer life. Reminding ourselves of their struggles and asking God to bless them helps shape us and predisposes us to be sensitive and creative in addressing their needs.
Principals, I believe, can have a profound effect on families and on the culture of the communities they serve. It's a noble profession! My prayers and gratitude to those of you who have "accepted the call!"
Got a question? Thoughts? I'd love to hear from you.
